Brand New World


by Tuna

Brand New World (1998) is the name given to the British film Woundings in its Region 1 release.

The story takes place in the not-too-distant future, with British forces occupying an island they have just conquered. The occupation forces are still mopping up, clearing land mines, and meeting occasional resistance. The biggest problems are two-fold: (1) the soldiers are seriously unbalanced from combat; (2) there are not enough single and willing local women, and those available seem just as unbalanced as the soldiers. The government hits upon a great solution. They recruit willing women from the mainland to move to the war zone for romance, excitement and probably marriage with a soldier. Of course this solution is not greeted with enthusiasm by the local women.

That is about all I could figure out from this film. The accents are thick; it's difficult to understand much of the dialogue; and the film is just plain strange. As an example, the commanding officer stutters badly, and keeps two pet seals in his backyard, despite the fact that said backyard contains neither water nor access to any.

Given the premise, Woundings could have been a very entertaining sex film, but didn't have nearly enough sex and nudity for that. It also might have made insightful points about occupation armies, but the characters were not developed enough to gain any insight. Failing as entertainment, art and drama, this film did nothing for me, and I find no evidence that anyone else took something worthwhile from it, not can I imagine who the audience for this film would be.


by Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

You may think that Tuna's review is rather harsh. You would be wrong. I tried to watch Woundings some months ago and couldn't get through ten minutes. I finally applied a special cinematic sub-set of Scoopy's fourth rule, which states: "Life's too short to dance with ugly women." We old farts are acutely aware that we are allotted a very short time on this plane of existence, and I was not willing to waste two hours of my precious remaining time with this film.

It does not surprise me that the writer/director of this film has not written or directed anything else.

Since I never got through the movie, the only thing I can add to Tuna's review is that the cinematography is actually quite good, but even this silver lining has two clouds:

1) The DVD does not have a theatrical aspect ratio, so the value of the photography is vitiated by the infernal TV-shaped box.

2) As my dad Suits used to say, shit painted white still stinks. 



* widescreen anamorphic

* whatever








4.1 IMDB summary (of 10)


No box office info available.


  • Emily Lloyd: breasts and bum in a dark outdoor sex scene
  • Julie Cox: a brief flash of breasts when getting out of bed, then later a hint of pubic hair.

Our Grade:

If you are not familiar with our grading system, you need to read the explanation, because the grading is not linear. For example, by our definition, a C is solid and a C+ is a VERY good movie. There are very few Bs and As. Based on our descriptive system, this film is a:


It is a perfectly competent film on the technical side, but has no audience that we can discern.