Zombie Island Massacre

Tuna's comments in white:

The tag line says it all: HAVE A FUN-FILLED VACATION! Toe-Tapping Machete Head Dances! Glamorous Zombie-Style Cosmetic Surgery! Fabulous Air-Conditioned Tiger Pits!

Zombie Island Massacre (1984) is a Team Troma release about some tourists who take a bus tour to witness a voodoo ritual on a remote Caribbean Island. After the staged event, their bus driver and their guide disappear, and it seems to be the work of zombie ghouls. Turns out, it is actually various island factions warring over a lot of money and Columbian coke.

There is not a single thing to recommend about this effort.

As for the DVD, it's as bad as the film. The transfer is weak, and the film was probably dark and grainy to begin with.

Scoop's notes in yellow:

John Jenrette and his wife Rita were the perfect young Washington couple in the late 70s. They were both smart and attractive, and they were known to play well with others. Their future seemed unlimited. Rita might have been our First Lady by now, except that John, a congressman from South Carolina, was caught in the Abscam sting that nailed six members of congress on corruption charges. Their story started to get weird after that. John Jenrette made a strange on-air call to the Phil Donahue show when Rita was the guest. There was a country song commemorating Rita's testimony that she once found $25,000 in one of John's shoes. They separated and divorced. Such was their karmic reversal that Instead of being remembered as our sexiest First Couple, they are now most famous for having had sex on the steps of the U.S. Capitol building during a break in an all-night House session.

Rita used the notoriety gained from the Abscam exposure to establish a Grade-Z "acting" and modeling career. She posed for Playboy in April of 1981, then did a few episodes of The Edge of Night, an episode of Fantasy Island, and was soon toiling away in the immortal Zombie Island Massacre which Tuna discussed above.

The Critics Vote ...

No major reviews online

The People Vote ...

IMDB summary. IMDb voters score it 2.2/10

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. (C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by genre fans, while C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie although genre addicts find it watchable). D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-.

Based on this description, this is an E or F.